Monthly Archives: December 2006

Why Did the Republicans Fail to Deliver on Roe V. Wade – Why is it Still the Law of the Land?

For the last 6 years the Republicans have held the White House, They have held majorities in the House and the Senate. They have installed judges in the Courts. Their critics say they have packed the courts. They held all three branches of the government. During that time they could have overturned Roe v Wade. But they didn’t. Roe v Wade remains the law of the land.

While it is never an easy choice, I believe that people should have access to the medical procedures they need when necessary, no matter how difficult or painful. The alternative in this case is a world where people have no control over when and with whom they have children. Your daughter could get raped by some ‘gangsta-rapper’ and would have to be reminded of the torture of the rape every day for the rest of her life.

But that’s not the issue. The issue is that for the last 6 years the “Republicanistas,” the ideologues of the Republican Party, controlled all the branches of government, yet they didn’t follow through on their promises. While their cheerleaders in the media whined that the liberals were in control, these “Republicanistas” had the power but did next to nothing. All they did was take your money for their campaigns and line their pockets. They took your vote, they made promises, and they broke their promise. They sold your vote to the lobbyists but the Republicans did not keep their word.

I’m going to vote for people who say what they stand for. I’m going to vote Democratic.

I’m going to vote for people who deliver on their promises. I’m going to vote Democratic.

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Iraq War To End: US & Iraq Declared Winners, France & Russia Losers.

Paris, France, Dec. 9. Objective Oriented Press Service, OOPS. The good news is, the war is almost over. As President Bush said, on an aircraft carrier, May 1, 2003 “Operation Iraqi Freedom was carried out with a combination of precision, speed, and boldness that the enemy did not expect.” Since then the war has been little more than a ‘mopping up operation.’

Now that the Iraq Study Group suggests we complete the mission by early 2008, just in time for the U.S. Presidential elections, and people all over the world are calling for Iran and Syria to get involved, some questions remain. Who won? And what can we expect to happen next? I spoke to Silas W. Coddington, noted pundit.

Iraq and the United States are the real winners – we toppled Saddam, and destroyed whatever weapons of mass destruction Saddam had that we couldn’t find. Iran and Syria are also winners, and you can’t forget the Hamas, Hezbollah, and Palestinian people. The real losers – the Russians, and the French.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “How did the Russians and the French lose this war? They are not involved. And how, exactly, did we win?”

“Well,” he started to explain, “it’s complicated. It’s really complicated. And I’m not sure you can really understand. I understand it, but I have a PhD.”

“Try me.”

“It’s like this. Remember Rumsfeld saying ‘You go to war with the army you have,’” he asked.

“December 9, 2004 – hard to forget.”

“It’s like that. When it’s time to stop fighting, and it will be in 2008, before the elections, we just declare victory. ‘Peace with Honor’ is good, but Nixon used that for Viet Nam, so we need a new slogan.”

“But that’s so cynical. It sounds like you’re manipulating the war for political gain.”

“Nothing could be further from the truth. We’re not manipulating the war, and we certainly wouldn’t do it for political gain. That’s un-American. That’s something the Russians would do. Or the French. Or the Terrorists. But not us. We wear the white cowboy hats. That’s why they lost the war.”

“But,” I protested, “How could they lose the war? They aren’t fighting.”

“Listen,” he answered, “You’re getting bogged down in ‘facts.’ We don’t need facts. We’re not reality based. We have TV, and Radio and the Internets. All we have to do is tell the reporters what the facts are, who won, they will write up the stories, if they want we can write up the stories for them, they publish the story, and everyone will eventually know the truth – that we won, that the facts are what we decide they are. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment to discuss some stock options with a defense contractor.”

***

This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to the facts is purely tragic.

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Coulter, Limbaugh, Rumsfeld and Bush: The Real Winners of Election 2006


Washington, DC, Dec. 4. Objective Oriented Press Service, OOPS. The conventional wisdom inside the Beltway, throughout America, and all over the world is that the Democrats won the election. And while it’s technically true that candidates from the Democratic Party won election after election across the country, and Democrats won a majority in the House and the Senate, did they really win the election? I spoke to Silas W Coddington, noted “pundit.” He says “No, the Democrats didn’t win; they lost.”

“The real winners.” according to Coddington, “were Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Don Rumsfeld, and George W. Bush. Coulter, Limbaugh and all the other right wing pundits, commentators, writers, hacks, sycophants, and hangers on have made their living – and some have made a very good living – complaining that the Democrats were in control. This was really hard to do with a Republican President, Republican majority in both the House and the Senate, and Republicans in control of the Judiciary. Now that the Democrats control the House and the Senate, the job of these pundits will be so much easier. They won’t have to stretch the truth so far it breaks. Limbaugh will be able to stop “doing” drugs. Or he’ll be able to “do” better ones. And if a Democrat wins the Presidency in 2008? Coulter, Limbaugh and company will be in Heaven.”

“But wait,” I said. “Rumsfeld resigned on Nov. 8, day after the elections. How can you say he won?”

“It’s true that Rumsfeld resigned but look at it this way: he’s free. He may not have liberated Iraq, but he himself is now liberated. And with his skills and experience – advisor to Presidents, Secretary of Defense – he should run for President. His slogan: ‘Rumsfeld in ’08: Because there’s no success like failure.’ I think lots of people would love to see Rumsfeld as the Republican candidate for President in 2008. Especially Democrats.”

“The same holds for President Bush,” Coddington explained. “He’s got a little over two years left to his Presidency. People are starting to call him a ‘Lame Duck.’ The Disloyal Opposition, which is just about everybody, can’t wait. They have ‘Countdown’ clocks that count the days between now and Jan. 20, 2008. Unreasonable people are even calling for him to accept responsibility for the response to Hurricane Katrina, the felony of identifying a covert CIA agent, and misrepresenting the facts and “making up” the justifications of the Iraq war, as if the Commander-in-Chief really needs ‘Justifications’ to go to war … why incredible as it may sound, some even want him impeached for ‘Violating the Law’ over the NSA wiretaps. It could even happen.”

“But that sounds really bad,” I said, “How can he be considered to have won the election?”

“Simple. ” Coddington explained. “He just blames someone else for the failure in Iraq. He says ‘I’m the ‘Decider,’ not the ‘Fall Guy.’ I declared ‘Mission Accomplished’ way back, May 1, 2003. It’s not my fault the Iraqis didn’t listen. Ask the Democrats – they’re in control now, have been since January, 2007. We Republicanistas have been too busy working with lobbiests and decidering decisions about who gets what. Cheney spent a lot of time with Ken Lay’s people talking about energy policy before they went bankrupt. Cunningham, DeLay, Foley, we’ve been working hard. And now they’re all gone. Some went to jail. How can we accomplish anything?’”

“Well,” I asked, “what should he do?”

“If you ask me,” Coddington replied, “He should just go back to his ranch for a few days, or the next two years. chop some wood and hand over the keys to Jeb, or Cheney, or Rumsfeld. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

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