If you need a scorecard to tell them apart, here are the top 10 differences between I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby and Paris Hilton.
10. Hilton is a cute blond girl. Libby is a middle aged blond man only his mother thinks is cute.
9. “Scooter” Libby is named after a toy. Paris Hilton is named after a city.
8. Hilton, a socialite, is convicted of drunk driving and driving without a license. Libby, a lawyer, is convicted of obstruction of justice and perjury.
7. Everyone knows Hilton’s first name. No one knows Libby’s first name. This is because the Vice President recently had it classified “top secret.”
6. An ex-boyfriend posted videos on the internet of Hilton having sex. Libby posted the name of a CIA Agent he screwed, but they did not have sex.
5. Hilton served a few days of her sentence and says she is sorry for what she did. Libby didn’t serve any time and is sorry he got caught.
4. Libby is an unemployed ‘Chief of Staff’ whos former boss once shot a friend in the face. Hilton employs a ‘Chief of Staff’ but never shot any of her friends in the face.
3. Hilton’s actions – driving while intoxicated – jeopardized the lives of people in Southern California. Libby’s actions – identifying CIA agents and creating “evidence” to wage a war – endanger the national security of the United States.
2. Hilton is like the Princess Jasmine character from Disney’s 1992 animated feature, “Alladin.” Libby is like Iago, the parrot belonging to Jafar, the evil Grand Vizier.
1. Due to his conviction for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice, Unless pardoned, Libby will be prohibited from practicing law in the United States. Even tho convicted of drunk driving, Hilton can still become President of the United States.