Category Archives: Bush

Mitt & W: Side by Side


Round 1 – Papa.
Mitt – His father, George Romney ran AMC, then ran for President & lost.
W – His father George H. W. Bush ran the CIA, then ran for President & won.
Round 1 goes to W

Round 2 – early adult life.
Mitt – spent a few years in his 20’s in France prosetizying for the LDS.
W – spent a few years blowing coke then turned away from present day sinners
Round 2 goes to Mitt
Wait – didn’t Mitt strap his dog to the roof of his car for a trip from Boston to Montreal or Toronto or somewhere in Canada? Didn’t the dog subsequently run away?
Round 2 – Mitt disqualified, loses half-a-point

Round 3 – Graduate School
Mitt – Harvard MBA & Harvard Law
W – Harvard MBA
Round 3 goes to Mitt
Score after 3 rounds: Mitt 0.5, W 1.0

Round 4 – Professional Experience

Mitt – Bain Capital made a fortune downsizing failing businesses
W – Oil company and Texas Rangers – Made a fortune in failing businesses
Round 4 – a tie.
Score after 4 rounds: Mitt 1.5: W: 2.0

Final Round – Electability
Mitt – except for his lovely wife, people don’t like him. Seems unlikely to be elected President
W – able to git enough people to vote fer him that, despite losing popular vote by 543,895 votes (50,999,897 to 50,456,002) won that crucial vote in the Supreme Court.
Round 5 we don’t know the answer, we hope Round 5 goes to the American People

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Filed under Bush, Gore, Obama, Romney

Bin Laden. 2 Bullets. No Photos.

By XB Cold Fingers.

New York, May 5, 2011. President Obama decided that the U. S. will not release photos of bin Laden. “However,” the President said, “we will release the Death Certificate, and the Long Form Death Certificate.”

Donald Trump could not be reached for comment.

“We’ll get the photos,” said Julian Assange, of Wikileaks, “even if we need to use ‘Photoshop.'”

“Conspiracy theorists,” Assange continued, “are free to use ‘Photoshop’ to create their own photos. Other conspiracy theorists are free to use audio and video editing systems to create fake recorded messages from Osama ‘proving’ that bin Laden is still alive. Wilileaks will pay for any legitimate looking ‘proof.’ “

The Pakistan government has joined Wikileaks and is preparing a Request for Proposal for the best “proof” that the May 1, 2011 commando raid by US Navy Seals was either:

A) In Afganistan, 35 miles from Kabul, not in Pakistan, 35 miles from Islamabad and down the road from the Pakistani military academy,
B) Carried out by Pakistani authorities against Indian terrorists living in Pakistan,
C) Carried out by Israeli agents against Hamas and in Gaza,
D) Carried out by Hamas and Hezbollah against Zionists living in Pakistan,
E) Carried out by the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society against Japanese whalers, or
F) All of the above.

Budget conscious Representative Paul Ryan complained about the cost of the mission. “Bin Laden,” he said, “was shot twice. Did we need to use two rounds? Wasn’t that twice the ammunition needed? Wasn’t that a 50% waste of resources? And we lost a helicopter. Does the President know how much those cost? Why wasn’t this job outsourced to the lowest bidder in China or India?”

Speaking from the campaign trail, the cost-conscious isolationist libertarian doctor Representative Ron Paul said “Eight years ago Pres. Bush said ‘Mission Accomplished.’ What did Obama hope to prove?”

Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann, who hopes to be the first Republican Cougar running for President, echoed Rep. Paul, adding “In 2005 Pres. Bush shuttered the CIA’s hunt for Bin Laden and shifted efforts to Iraq, and he got Saddam. What does Obama hope to accomplish?”

Sarah Palin, the community organizer who quit her job as Governor of Alaska to focus on her “work” as a microblogger on Twitter and Facebook, said “How’s that hopey changey thing working out for you?”

Charles Koch, the billionaire who ‘secretly’ funds the Tea Party, and foots much of the bill for Palin’s $1.0 million a year in appearance fees and wardrobe upgrades said “Obama had to say ‘Yea’ or ‘Nay.’ What did he actually do?”

In their statemens Ron Paul, Michelle Bachmann, and Sarah Palin made reference to the observation that Obama presents America and the world with an optimistic agenda, one of hope. And Koch, while his radical political agenda is at odds with that of the President, did credit Obama with the decision to send the Navy Seals on this mission.

Saudi Prince Alaweed bin Talel, a major stockholder of News Corp, the parent of Fox News, the Wall St. Journal, and the New York Post commented privately, saying “Osama bin Laden may have made some mistakes, he may have been was a wayward son of the kingdom, but he was a subject of the House of Saud who was brutally murdered by the Americans. The King will not forget this slight.”

Pakistan’s former President Pervez Musharraf, who resigned his position in 2008 after allegations of corruption, and who, as a young man, studied in the military academy in Abbottabad a few blocks from bin Laden’s palatial hideout said “Pakistani intelligence was either duplicitous or incompetent, probably incompetent.” Musharraf should know – he was President of Pakistan when bin Laden moved in to the Abbattabad hideout.

Former President George W. Bush, speaking to Former Defense Secretary Donald “The Other Donald” Rumsfeld, Former Vice President Dick Cheney, Former National Security Advisor Condaleeza Rice, and former advisor Karl Rove said “I told you we should have gotten him. But you didn’t listen to me. And I was ‘the Decider.’ ” Rice said “you decided to agree with what we told you, that the Mission was Accomplished.” Rove said “I was your brains, remember?” Rumsfeld said “the outcome has proven to be one of those things that was known to be unknowable.” Cheney, in an undisclosed location, could not be reached for comment. He is believed to be looking for a lawyer to shoot.

* Copyright (c) 2011, XB ColdFingers. This is a work of satire. The only facts known to the author are:
A) On May 1, 2011, Osama bin Laden was killed, shot twice by American Navy Seals on a covert capture or kill mission.
B) The  mission was authorized by President Obama.
C) A helicopter was lost in the mission.
D) In 2005, the CIA turned its attention away from bin Laden.‬
E) The bit on Musharraf, while funny, is not an exaggeration.
F) The bit on Koch, while not funny, is not an exaggeration.

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Filed under Bin Laden, Bush, Obama

Michael Brown Consulting on Disaster Planning

This is not satire. Former FEMA Director Michael “Heck of a Job, Brownie” Brown joins Cold Creek Solutions, as a Disaster and Contingency Planning Consultant.

This is from a press release I was e-mailed:

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown Joins Cold Creek Solutions, Offers Consulting Practice for Disaster Recovery

CENTENNIAL, CO – While leading federal relief efforts for 160 presidential declared disasters in his roles at FEMA and Homeland Security, Michael Brown heard one cringe-worthy phrase repeated again and again.

“People always say, ‘I never thought it would happen to me,'” said Brown. “I would maintain that anyone who has a business, or a family, needs to recognize that disasters happen and disrupt life. Businesses especially need to plan for the worst.”

“Michael Brown intimately understands planning and how plans need to be adaptable and changeable,” said Paul Schwappach, principal of Cold Creek Solutions, a technology planning firm focusing on data management. “With Michael’s experience and his unique view into what possibly could go wrong when looking at a plan, we can truly help clients be prepared for the unexpected.”

It goes on (and on and on). It’s actually pretty funny.

Brown, the former undersecretary of Homeland Security, was one of the longest-serving directors of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. He led federal relief efforts for disasters including the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in 2001, the Columbia Space Shuttle Disaster and California wildfire season in 2003, and the unprecedented 2004-2005 hurricane seasons. Brown also directed the nation’s response to numerous foreign disasters and terrorist attacks.

Brown and Cold Creek will work to provide clients disaster recovery and business continuity solutions rooted in a perspective that can’t be found elsewhere.

There’s even more ….

Maybe he learned something, but Michael Brown is just about the last person I would want advising me on disaster contingency planning. At the risk of being accused of shamelessly hawking my own intellectual property – you can hear my thoughts on We Had The Will, We Found The Way, at cdbaby.com. The song asks:

How the hell did we go from Lincoln, FDR, and John Kennedy to Bush and Cheney?
How did we go from the New Deal to Iraq and Katrina?

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Filed under Bush, Dick Cheney, Heck of a job Brownie, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Brown

Bush Care / McCain Care – Health Care For Patriots

It’s not that one in six Americans don’t have health care, it’s just that they don’t have health insurance. And if 1 out of 6 don’t have health insurance that means 5 in 6 people DO have Health Insurance.

Bush and McCain have a national health care plan – The Emergency Room. The way you can see a doctor on BushCare / McCainCare when you have diabetes is when you’re in a diabetic coma. And if you have high blood pressure you can see an emergency room physician for primary care immediately – following a stroke or heart attack.

This shows America’s wealth. Why go to a physician for a $50 office visit when you can go to an Emergency Room – at 10 times the cost? Or 100 times the cost? You may see it as spending $5,000 – enough for a good used car – or $500, rather then $50, but what’s money when your life is at stake? And if the choice is health care, medication, or food, well, you’re probably overweight – that’s how you got diabetes or high blood pressure anyway (it’s really your fault).

And remember, treatment and medication are elements of GNP. So if you have diabetes wait until you’re in a diabetic coma. It’s your patriotic duty. If you have high blood pressure, wait until you have a stroke. Your treatment will cost $50,000. That adds $50,000 to the GNP. It’s what you can do to fight the war on terror. Like voting for the GOP. Pre-emptive care would only add $200 or $1,000 to the GNP. What’s more important? Our nation’s GNP or your health? It’s a no-brainer. If you’re a true patriot it’s GNP! Especially if you’re a wealthy patriot and can afford a doctor. Or can go to Canada for health care. And if a worker drops dead, the general health of the remainder of the population improves.

Remember – what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. And by that logic, America is stronger today than it ever would have been if Gore had been given the White House in 2000 or if Kerry had won in 2004.

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Filed under Bush, Health Care, McCain, Presidential Campaign