Category Archives: Christie

Why I Love Mitt Romney & Paul Ryan – If Only

Top 10 reasons why I’d love Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, if only,

  1. I’d love Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan if only I was a money manager who spent each day considering whether I should sell my holdings in Apple, Ford, or IBM or speculate on Cree, Lighting Sciences, and Solazyme. Then I’d want low capital gains taxes, (except I’d be concerned that people needed jobs to buy the stuff my companies designed or manufactured).
  2. If only, like Donald Trump, I was a real estate investor and pocketed a few million each time one of my buildings went bankrupt but the banks didn’t want them so they forgave part of the debt, or I simply  owned a few buildings and lived off rents (except I’d be concerned that people needed jobs to pay the rent). (click, click, click & click)
  3. If only I was a real estate shark and I made money buying, fixing, and selling foreclosed properties from banks (except I’d be concerned that people I’d sell to needed jobs to be in a position to buy).
  4. If only, like Sheldon Adelson, I owned casinos outside the U.S. and was in trouble with the SEC, IRS, and DoJ over the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act over alleged bribes paid to develop them (except I’d still be worried that some low level bureaurocrat wanted to “bring me to justice”). (click, click, click)
  5. If only, like some friends of Chris Christie, I owned a private, for-profit prison, half-way house, hospital, school, or other company that performed a government function and could help claim to shrink government by paying less educated or uneducated and less qualified or unqualified people minimum wage to do the work of skilled and trained people. And anyway, why should we educate the next generation? They’re just going to be buying crap made in China. (click)
  6. If only I owned my own private island and truly didn’t interact w the outside world (except I’d be concerned about radioactive waste from Fukushima and US plants, fallout from French nuclear weapons testing, pollution from China, mercury in fish from coal plants, plastics in the oceans, and rising sea levels).
  7. If only, like the Charles Koch, David Koch, Boone Pickins, I owned coal mines, coal plants, oil wells, refineries, frakking wells, or nuclear plants, or owned interests in companies like Halliburton, and I didn’t go to the beach, didn’t eat fish, and I didn’t care that “Drill Baby, Drill” and “Burn Baby, Burn” means “Sweat Baby, Sweat,” “Swim Baby, Swim,” and ultimately, “Drown Baby, Drown.” (And I can’t charge you for sunlight.)
  8. If only I owned gun shops or gun and ammunition companies and lived in a gated community, and never went to movies, didn’t have children or grandchildren in or someday to go to college, and didn’t go to meetings w my Reps in the House or Senate, or I, myself, lived in a state with reasonable restrictions on gun acquisition and gun ownership. (Why is it that we are not allowed to shout “Fire” in a crowded theater but are allowed to open fire in a crowded theater?)
  9. If only the women I care about didn’t need birth control or other medical care, and if I never needed doctors or nurses, because anyone who becomes a doctor, nurse, therapist, or other medical practicioner needs an education. … BUT 
  10. I’d really love Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan if only I was a comedian or writer working for Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live or Rupert Murdoch and the Faux News crew.

Copy Left (CL) 2012, XB Cold Fingers. Ownership Rights Reserved. Feel free to pass it along. This is a work of satire. But while it may be speculative, it’s not fiction.  Look for this and my other observations on Cultural Forensics and my YouTube Channel, XB New Music.

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Filed under Christie, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, Sheldon Adelson, Trump