Dateline August 8. The Ivory Towers of Academia. “Those who don’t learn from history,” it is said, “are doomed to repeat it.” The tendency of history to repeat itself is well known, but not well understood. Considering the roles played by women named Monica in the Administrations of current and recent U. S. Presidents, specifically, the role that Monica Goodling played in the Bush Administration, the Justice Department, and the United States of America, and the role Monica Lewinsky played in the Clinton Administration, the White House, and the good ole USA, I have prepared a scorecard that compares the two Monicas; Goodling and Lewinsky. Dubbed “The Monica Effect,” this phenomena, while perhaps trivial and admittedly hard to swallow, must be studied.
Monica Lewinsky: willing to do anything, Anything! for The President.
Monica Goodling: willing to do anything, Anything! for The President.
Monica Lewinsky: Bimbo, certified in many bars, worshipped The President. Still does.
Monica Goodling: Attorney, admitted to The Bar, worshipped The President. Still does.
Monica Lewinsky: Didn’t know anything about the Constitution. Didn’t need to.
Monica Goodling: Didn’t know anything about the Constitution. Didn’t want to. Altho she was an attorney.
Monica Lewinsky: wore a blue dress for a private meeting with the President in the White House.
Monica Goodling: wore a white dress for dinner with Karl Rove and a blue suit for public testimony with Congress in The House.
Monica Lewinsky: was there when The President violated his sacred vows of marriage.
Monica Goodling: was there when The President violated his sacred oath of office.
Monica Lewinsky: dismissed by The President before he got caught.
Monica Goodling: dismissed by The President after she got caught.
Monica Lewinsky: broke no law but violated the rules of decorum and good taste.
Monica Goodling: broke the law and violated the Constitution of United States.
Monica Lewinsky: stimulated the President’s breaking the law by committing perjury.
Monica Goodling: allowed the President’s appearing to obey the law by preserving his deniability.
Monica Lewinsky: not pardoned by The President because she committed no crimes.
Monica Goodling: in line to be pardoned by The President because she “may” have committed crimes.
Monica Lewinsky: helped George W. Bush get elected as he boasted of integrity during his campaign, and as Al Gore distanced himself from the President.
Monica Goodling: may help Barack Obama get elected as he campaigns on “Change We Can Believe In” and as McCain distances himself from the President.
* This is a work of satire. Obama is a Professor of Constitutional Law who has demonstrated organizational skills, management expertise, and good judgment. McCain is a career politician who claims to be an independent minded “maverick” but who has voted with the Administration 97% of the time. Who would make a better President? From whom would you buy a used car?