Category Archives: Presidential Campaign

The Coveted Nero’s Fiddle Award goes to PHIL GRAMM

Phil Gramm’s statements that the United States is in a “mental recession” and that we are a “nation of whiners” earned him the coveted “Nero’s Fiddle” award. The award, which is redeemable in cash, unmarked bills, or in deposits to a certain Swiss bank account, keeps the recession in the mind but out of the pockets of this so-called “whiner.”

While it doesn’t have the cachet of Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake,” or Donald Rumsfeld’s “you go to war with the army you have,” Gramm’s statements are succinct, eloquent, and clear.

They also show that Gramm, who serves as McCain Campaign co-chair, and cice chair of investment bank UBS, and who is referred to as “McCain’s Econ Brain” understands exactly what most Americans are going thru, despite the facts of the personal wealth that he and his wife Wendy Gramm enjoy. Gramm understands the problems on Wall Street. UBS, which he is “Vice Chair” has declined in value to 2002 levels in the last year.

He also knows about energy costs. According to Jason Leopold, writing in the Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel, “Gramm, as a powerful Texas senator in 2000, slipped an Enron-backed provision into the Commodities Futures Modernization Act that exempted from regulation energy trading on electronic platforms. Then, over the next year, Enron – with Gramm’s wife Wendy serving on its board of directors – worked to create false electricity shortages in California, bilking consumers out of an estimated $40 billion.”

It is not currently known who is worth more, Gramm, or McCain. The Presumptive Republican nominee is worth an estimated $50 million. (If Arizona is a community property state and Cindy McCain were to dump him for someone younger, he would get $50 million.) Gramm, on the other hand and as noted, is Vice Chairman of UBS.

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Filed under Gramm, Marie Antoinette, Nero, Presidential Campaign

Bush Care / McCain Care – Health Care For Patriots

It’s not that one in six Americans don’t have health care, it’s just that they don’t have health insurance. And if 1 out of 6 don’t have health insurance that means 5 in 6 people DO have Health Insurance.

Bush and McCain have a national health care plan – The Emergency Room. The way you can see a doctor on BushCare / McCainCare when you have diabetes is when you’re in a diabetic coma. And if you have high blood pressure you can see an emergency room physician for primary care immediately – following a stroke or heart attack.

This shows America’s wealth. Why go to a physician for a $50 office visit when you can go to an Emergency Room – at 10 times the cost? Or 100 times the cost? You may see it as spending $5,000 – enough for a good used car – or $500, rather then $50, but what’s money when your life is at stake? And if the choice is health care, medication, or food, well, you’re probably overweight – that’s how you got diabetes or high blood pressure anyway (it’s really your fault).

And remember, treatment and medication are elements of GNP. So if you have diabetes wait until you’re in a diabetic coma. It’s your patriotic duty. If you have high blood pressure, wait until you have a stroke. Your treatment will cost $50,000. That adds $50,000 to the GNP. It’s what you can do to fight the war on terror. Like voting for the GOP. Pre-emptive care would only add $200 or $1,000 to the GNP. What’s more important? Our nation’s GNP or your health? It’s a no-brainer. If you’re a true patriot it’s GNP! Especially if you’re a wealthy patriot and can afford a doctor. Or can go to Canada for health care. And if a worker drops dead, the general health of the remainder of the population improves.

Remember – what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. And by that logic, America is stronger today than it ever would have been if Gore had been given the White House in 2000 or if Kerry had won in 2004.

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Filed under Bush, Health Care, McCain, Presidential Campaign

Nader Again

“He made the cars we drive safer; thirty years later, he made George W. Bush the president.”
– The Atlantic Monthly

“If the Democrats can’t landslide the Republicans this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down, and emerge in a different form.”
– Ralph Nader.

“Ralph Nader, running for President, again. I masturbate too, but I do it in private.”
– Hugh Hefner

“The Jews hate him.”
– Mel Gibson

“What drugs is he on? Can I get some?”
– Keith Richards

“Barack will kick his ass.”
– Michelle Obama

“Bill could kick his ass. Hell, Barack could kick his ass.”
– Hillary Clinton

“F*&%$#^ing arrogant bastard. He’s worse than George F*&%$#^ing W. Bush”
– Al Gore

“I thought I need a miracle. God help us. Chuck (Norris) will kick his ass.”
– Mike Huckabee

“Best news I had since I heard that a few Americans were against the war.”
– John McCain

“That Lebanese Christian Jew-boy is hurting my chances, but no real American will vote for him”
– Ron Paul

“Tell him the check is in the mail.”
– Karl Rove

“Maybe I’ll take him hunting. What’s that? He’s on our side. I can shoot him anyway.”
– Dick Cheney, from an undisclosed location.

“Ralph who?”
– George W. Bush

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Filed under Presidential Campaign, Ralph Nader

Ten Cents A Coup, by Phil Ochs

It was a used-car dealer’s election
The choice was rather small
The boys agreed
It’s the war we need
So there’s no President at all

Here’s to the Grand Old Party
They are the stars of the stage and screen
It’s not since Laurel and Hardy
Have I laughed so hard I screamed.

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Filed under Presidential Campaign

Damn-O-Crat Slogans

Hillary Clinton – Her Husband was President, and anything he can do she can do better!

Hillary Clinton – Let’s talk about entitlements!

Baruch O’Bamagh – Irish, Jewish, Black, White, Christian, African, American.

Barack Obama – Dick Cheney’s liberal cousin.

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Sloganistas for the Republicanistas

What the Fuck?
I’m With Chuck!

Vote for Huck!
Mike Huckabee!

RUDY!
Because only a tough Cross-Dresser Can Put Osama in the Cross-Hairs!
And it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken!

What’s more American than a Mormon?
A Liberal Morman From Massachusetts!
Vote for Mitt Romney
After all, Nixon Loved Donny and Marie (Osmond)

He Missed Woodstock in the ’60’s
And missed the White House in 2000
So Vote for McCain
He’ll feel better.

Fred Thompson.
Because Teri is just as pretty as Elizabeth Kucinich and she’s American!
And Fred hates New York!

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Dubya on Rudy, Mitt, & Huckabee

Dateline, Camp David, Nov. 23, 2007.

Being a fellow Yale man, and a secret member of ‘Skulls and Bones,’ I checked with my boy Dubya on his picks for ’08.

This is what he said to me and my partner:

“Well now lil’ feller and listen up lil’ girl,’

“Rudy, He’s kinda stubborn, loyal. But the boys on Wall St like him, Tho he arrested a couple guys way back when. Putting the Emergency Response office in the World Trade Center was kinda dumb. But he made out ok. And that boy Keric. I don’t know. Tough like Cheney, but dumb as a rock. The Log Cabins like Rudy, like how he likes them, like how he dresses up. Rudy’s ok, He’s not one of us, but we can use him.

“And Mitt, He’s one of them Mormon Christians. Kind of wishy-washy. Must be a Massachusetts thing. Shoulda stayed in Oklahoma, or Minnesota, or Michigan. Whatever. I do like how he pretends to forget that Obama-guy’s name, calls him Osama. I would say ‘him running for Presidnet, he’s Barakin up the wrong tree. Get it – Barak – Bark. Heh, heh, heh. (At this he scratched Barney’s ears.) Anyways, Mitt calling Obama ‘Osama,’ that’s good. Not Karl Rove ‘McCain had a illigititate kid good,’ not ‘Lee-Atwater / Willie-Horton good,’ but good. I wonder if he’s behind that ‘Obama is a Moslem’ thing. That’s real good. Maybe even ‘Rove-Atwater’ good. Mitt’s not one of us. I claimed to be willing to work with the other side. Mitt really is willing to work with them liberal communinst pinkos. Then he regrets it. Sorta like havin’ too much to drink one night and wakin’ up with a headache. Like health care in Massachusetts. He’s not really one of us. Dangerous.

“Mike Huckabee, he’s misguided. He’s kind of like a Damn-o-crat. But he’s a Christian, so he can’t really be a Damn-o-crat. Do you think Jesus would be a Damn-o-crat? Buildin’ schools? Helpin’ the poor? Give people health care? Create jobs? Protect the enviro-mint? Why that boy Huckabee actually believes that the purpose of Gov-mint is to provide for the consumers, who he calls ‘citizens’ when actuality it’s jist to funnel taxpayer money from people who work fer a living to your friends and mine who own and manage large corp-rations and live on stock dividends and bonds. He’s not really ok. I don’t know how he calls his self a Christian. He even claims he’s a minister.

“The thing is, who-ever wins don’t matter. We might even give them 4 years of Hillary so they think things is ok. So they believes their precious Const-It-Too-Shun is working. Then Jeb’ll run in 2016 and Jenna in 2024. Squash that Const-It-Too-Shun theory like Evolution.

“But don’t tell anyone.

“And remember, we’re listening. You think it’s only China what is monitoring the Inter-anet?”

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Giuliani: The Perfect Liberal Republican

Giuliani supports gay people, altho he is not really in favor of gay marriage. He believes everyone should have marriages like his first two – unhappy.

He supports a woman’s right to choose, but is against abortion – believing that women should be free to choose husbands, shoes, fashions, that sort of thing, which is more than women have in Saudi Arabia.

He stands firm on his decision to locate the NYC Emergency Response Headquarters in World Trade Center Building 7, only blaming the people who advised him to put it in Brooklyn when questioned by those pesky reporters who insist on the facts.

I guess it boils down to “It depends on what the meaning of the word is, is.”

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Filed under Giuliani, Presidential Campaign

Flip Flopping Today

New York. Paul Simon was asked to release a new version of “Slip Sliding Away,” to be called “Flip Flopping Today.” The call came from the Giuliani Campaign, and came for the McCain Campaign. Or maybe it came for the Giuliani Campaign but came from the McCain Campaign. Or from the Romney Campaign for Giuliani and McCain. It is not, however, a dirty trick. Each candidate knows that the other guys lack credibility. But they want their party to win, so to be kinder, gentler, and compassionater, the new Republicanistas are trying to help each other. “Flip Flopping Today” applies equally to the three Republican runners up for ‘Panderer-in-Chief’ so whoever wins the GOP nomination next year will be able to use it.

And it’s official, the two wings of the GOP are the “We are Winning in Iraq, and We Will Continue to be Winning Until We Win, Even if it Takes 50 Years” wing,” and the “Faith Based; Believe in the God of Love and Peace and Be Ready to Kill Anyone Who Doesn’t” wing.

Republicanista strategists are also thinking of changing their name. They want to change it from ‘Grand Old Party,’ GOP, to “Grand Obtuse Old Party,” GOOP. It’s a synonym for what they got us into in Iraq. But no one in the party leadership understands the meaning of obtuse. When critics say ‘You’re so obtuse.’ They smile, lean back, and say “Thanks.” Sometimes they say “Well, my daughter’s a lesbian. But she’s a good girl. Wants to be a good wife and mother. It’s those damn liberals. And no, there’s nothing wrong with your boy being a dancer. As long as he’s not a liberal. Look at George W. A cheerleader at Yale for Chris-sake. Maybe we could hook your boy up with my daughter.”

On Larry King Live, Giuliani said “I support a woman’s right to choose but I am against abortion.” Exactly what “woman’s right to choose” is he supporting? A woman’s right to choose her outfit? A woman’s right to choose a bathing suit? Call me a misogynist, but while I support abortion rights, I believe that fat chicks over 55 should not be allowed to wear bikinis or thongs, and should be prohibited from topless beaches.

Giuliani also supports “protecting gays” but not domestic partnerships. Who is he protecting them from? Straight people with baseball bats? “Christians” who want to cure them with drugs and shock therapy? Or guys like Ted Haggard who say “I’m not gay, I just like to ‘study’ gay sex with prostitutes while I do drugs. So I know what I’m up against.” Haggard may not be gay any more, but he’s not gay any less. I agree with Rudy that gay people should have equal protection under the law. But I think that means marriage and domestic partnerships. Look at the bright side. If gay people can get married then they will be able to get divorced. If they get divorced at the same rate that straight people get divorced, then half of the gay marriages will be over almost as soon as they begin.

Giuliani supports gun control in cities like New York but not places like Texas. Doesn’t he know that as more Texans get guns, more Texans will kill each other with those guns? Or is that his point?

Romney used to be “Pro-Choice.” Today he’s “pro-choice” in the Blue states and “anti-women” in Dixie. McCain used to ride the “straight-talk” express. Now he panders to the Evangelicals. He was against the use of torture until Cheney invited him on a hunting trip. That Cheney can be mighty persuasive.

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Giuliani on Larry King Live: http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/02/14/giuliani.lkl/index.htm
Romney on abortion: Committed to safe legal abortion, except when running for office.
http://www.ontheissues.org/Governor/Mitt_Romney_Abortion.htm

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Filed under Abortion, Campaign 2008, Flip-Flopping, Gay Rights, Giuliani, Gun Control, McCain, politics, Presidential Campaign